It's Christmas week and I can't seem to shake this deep feeling of melancholy. Christmas seems to get harder each year. And this year Angel is living in Hawaii and Barbara is no longer with us. Between the Daniels, McDonalds, and Hacketts, we only have dad left as a parent. I've really been missing Angel a great deal and hate that she will pretty much be alone in in Hawaii for Christmas since her friends are able to fly home to be with their families. I so miss the Daniels family traditions and our years with Robert and Bradley when they were young.
I am having that strong and severe feeling of sadness and loneliness and this time I just can't seem to shake it. I can't seem to get my mind to shut off. I miss mom so much it hurts. I know we all are going to have a difficult Christmas this year, especially Jay and Ann.
My fear of death has gotten worse and every little glitch that happens with my health seems to just reinforce the fear.
I am glad that I moved to Mount Pleasant but my problems came with me so the happiness of being over here has been overshadowed by my continued problems. Reading the summary Dr. Maierle wrote for me for the retirement system disability review really bothered me. It makes me feel like I'm sicker than I realize. And if that's the case, why go on?
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