Loneliness

I have been feeling lonely the last couple of days. But I'm not doing anything to change that. I feel stuck. My health seems to be slowly improving and I'm happy about that but I'm struggling with trying to get active. I haven't been back to the pool since that one day with Kristen. Of course I did too much and ended up paying for it for the next couple of days but I really need to get back in there. I so want to find someone to share my life with but unless I do the things that's going to lead to that nothing's going to happen. I am feeling more confident about helping Kristen and Nancy with their businesses but I'm still having feelings of being overwhelmed about it. Nancy is coming back this weekend and I hope we can get a lot accomplished. I really started going into a dark place today with a lot of negative self-talk and feelings of not wanting to be on this Earth anymore. But I was able to put a stop to it. It's not that I don't want to live anymore, it's that I don't want to live the way I've been living anymore. Not having anyone to do activities with is difficult. but I know I can't use that as an excuse to not do things. I isolated inside yesterday and today. I'm still not walking Heidi and I really need to start doing that. Doing it in this hot weather is going to be tough but I've just got to start. I had a nice birthday Saturday but was really disappointed to just get a very short Facebook message from Angel. I don't know why I get my hopes up about our relationship. She is doing great living in Hawaii and has a boyfriend so the last thing she's doing is thinking about her mom. I understand that but it still hurts. Everytime we do talk she always says how she wants us to talk more and stay in touch better but then she rarely calls. The time difference and her work schedule make it difficult for me to call her. Per her Facebook she has time for a lot of things. Just not her mom.