Well for some reason my mind is full of thoughts and I'm thinking I need to start blogging again. I have got to get to the bottom of what is wrong with me and figure out what I can do to make myself better. It's been a frustrating year, especially the summer, when my swimming got screwed up by mono. I keep dreaming about swimming so I may check out the YMCA in Moncks Corner again. They do have an indoor pool but it's 30 minutes away so I am leery about committing. If they let people join month to month I may give it a try.
My eating is out of control so maybe exercise would help motivate me to eat healthy and make some positive changes in that regard.
This time of year is especially hard with mom's birthday coming up and the anniversary of her death. I woke up this morning dreaming about her and yelling in my head "why did you have to leave. I still needed you".. This evening I started crying out of the blue and the thought that jumped in my head was I need you to come back. Of course that's impossible. It's been almost 5 years and some days it feels like it was just yesterday.
My mono flared up again this past week so I was at home everyday except the one day I was able to get to Publix to pick up a few things.. It seems like if my mono flares up I feel terrible physically but ok mentally. Then when the mono symptoms subside the mental issues get worse. I'm going to do my best to get out of the house every day this coming week, even if its just a walk through Big Lots. I missed my psychiatric and counseling visits this past week. I was in bed with mono symptoms both days and could barely do anything. I'll be seeing my counselor this coming Wednesday and my psychiatrist on the 21st. My colonoscopy is scheduled for the 23rd. I can't wait to get that over with.
That's it for now. I'm going to try to get a good night sleep only pleasant dreams.
My eating is out of control so maybe exercise would help motivate me to eat healthy and make some positive changes in that regard.
This time of year is especially hard with mom's birthday coming up and the anniversary of her death. I woke up this morning dreaming about her and yelling in my head "why did you have to leave. I still needed you".. This evening I started crying out of the blue and the thought that jumped in my head was I need you to come back. Of course that's impossible. It's been almost 5 years and some days it feels like it was just yesterday.
My mono flared up again this past week so I was at home everyday except the one day I was able to get to Publix to pick up a few things.. It seems like if my mono flares up I feel terrible physically but ok mentally. Then when the mono symptoms subside the mental issues get worse. I'm going to do my best to get out of the house every day this coming week, even if its just a walk through Big Lots. I missed my psychiatric and counseling visits this past week. I was in bed with mono symptoms both days and could barely do anything. I'll be seeing my counselor this coming Wednesday and my psychiatrist on the 21st. My colonoscopy is scheduled for the 23rd. I can't wait to get that over with.
That's it for now. I'm going to try to get a good night sleep only pleasant dreams.
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