Why

Why does my anxiety and depression fluctuate so much? Yesterday was a good day and I got in a lot of swimming. Today I feel anxious and depressed and can hardly get out of bed. Taking more xanax than prescribed and have to be careful about not running out before June 10. This sucks. I just want to sleep my life away so that I can avoid the emotional pain and constant worry. I think I need more help than I am getting but I don't know what to do. Hopefully the Group my counselor is starting in June will help if I can make it to the sessions.

Ugh

Today is an overwhelmingly sad day. I can't seem to shake it. all I want to do is lay in bed and sleep to get relief from all these negative thoughts and worries I have. I just took six xanax so that it would knock me out. not good. I need help.

I wish I could just have someone to take over, make decisions for me, and handle them but I'm a Type A personality and like to be in charge so that would be difficult.

I had a horrible thought earlier. I could poison Heidi so that I wouldn't have to care for her anymore. I was mortified that even entered my mind and I would never do it but I guess it just goes to show the state I'm in.