Thoughts

Why does each post have to be named? I can never come up with a good title.

It was a dreary day today-not outside but in my heart and head. I awoke with a bad headache and had to take some medicine and lie back down. I later went to the pool. As I was entering the water I heard a girl say to her friend, "If I ever got that, fat I would shoot myself." Her friend them told her to shush. Now I can't guarantee that they were referring to me but I had walked past them. The comment really stung whether they were talking about me or not. I didn't stay at the pool long. When my daughter got home a couple of hours later she wanted to tell me about potentially getting an apartment with a friend from college if she doesn't get a dorm. I just had to tell her that I wasn't up to hearing about it right now. I am honestly dreading her moving out once the semester starts. She is good company for me and we do not butt heads as much as we used to. We truly are becoming closer and she can be great fun to be with. I am really fearing all the alone time I will have when she is in school and working, especially if she does not live at home. She and I went to the pool in the late afternoon and enjoyed socializing with some people there. That did help but I am still feeling somewhat down. I'm sure it will be better tomorrow as long as I don't have bad dreams tonight. I see my counselor tomorrow and will talk with him about dealing with Angel leaving and also about my dreams.

I am looking forward to my weekend in Mt Pleasant. Although when my sister told me about a small party we will be going to, I started to stress a little. I'm sure there will be a tour of the house and I worry about stairs. If I don't go on the upstairs tour, will I have people to talk to downstairs? I do feel somewhat uncomfortable in social situations because of my weight. Then I feel stupid for having these feelings as I always have a good time with my sister, her husband, and their friends. I seem to get anxious over the smallest things when before they didn't bother me. My anxiety is definitely better than it was but it still seems to crop up over things that would be simple to other people. I tend to over think everything!

Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day. Maybe one of the books I ordered will come in the mail!