Perplexed

Something really perplexed me today. I was talking to my dad and he asked if I would maybe take a trip to Florence with him next week. I told him that going during the week might be difficult as I will likely stay with my friend Nancy and she works during the week. Also, I cannot afford to board my dog Heidi right now. Of course, he said if I couldn't go he understood. I did tell him I would think about it. After we hung up, I started feeling so anxious. I want to go to Florence, especially for my dad. I haven't been since he moved down here after mom died. I'd love to see friends and family and travel familiar roads. I really never ever wanted to leave Florence, but marriage took me away. If dad had never moved down here, when my ex and I separated I would have moved back to Florence with my daughter as soon as I could. I think waiting so long to go makes it harder. I really don't understand why my response to it was anxiety. I'll be glad to discuss that with my counselor next week. I am going to make a goal to go to Florence soon with my dad. I'm just not sure when.

I've never been back to the cemetery to see my mom's grave since she died. I have no desire to see it. I know she isn't really there but is in heaven. Dad has expressed that he feels he has deserted her by moving away from Florence and he wishes he could visit her grave as often as he likes so that he could talk to her. That breaks my heart and of course, I will take him to the cemetery when we do go to Florence if he asks me to. I'll dread it I'm sure, but I will do it for him.

I think I swam about 100 laps today between two trips to the pool. That makes me happy!! Now they are the short laps (the width of the pool, not the length of the pool). But for me that is huge progress. I have decided to give up soda. My daughter mentioned doing that herself today and I am going to join her in her endeavor. I am so addicted to Coke Zero it's ridiculous. My grocery bill will definitely go down!! The next few days will be tough but I will persevere.